MSKs Censored Blog

Not sure how many noted that MSK posted a blog on Sep/8 and removed by Sep/9. Though he is the owner of his site, me and Mahesh clearly said him during our Sep/9 meet that even the owner doesn't have any rights to remove the blog once published publicly. [As long as there is no public request to do so].. But MSK's stand was that he is planning to tweak his blog and repost it. Though that sound well, Iam publishing his original blog here for your information, and obviously without his permission...

Reason - enakku publicity venumnu mudivu panniten...:).. Sorry MSK..

Original Post

Something missing

by MSK

There is something pricking me for all over my life. To be said particularly, am feeling it more after completing my diploma. So, What is it? Is it the feeling of something not fulfilling my life? or I have not fulfilled anything? When I was thinking about it again and again couple of things striking my mind. Would like to share with you people in brief. 

Small story :-)

I have done my primary schooling in Srinivasa Vidyalaya, Hasthinapuram. I rarely remember that I would get 3th / 4th rank in my 3/4/5th standards. It was a bit competetion between 4 of us and yes, it was a healthy one. I had participated in annual day dance programs. I was a good dancer (you should beleive me) at that time, like i will be dancing in the first row always. 

Once I completed the primary schoolings my father admitted me in Government Boys Higher Secondary school, Chromepet for my secondary education. I studied from 6th std to 8th std there. Our class strengths were about minimum 80+ This time I remember well that I am the student of 3/4 th rank out of 3 or 4 ranks. Just imagine about the students educational potential at that time in my class, 4 ranks out of 80 students. I was an very average student where my total would be around 300 out of 500. Since we have shifted our house from Hastinapuram to Kolathur, I studied my 9th and 10th std in ICF Hr Sec School. The same average ranks continued, even I have failed in Maths subject while conducting 10th std half yearly exams. Since it is a public exam my parents asked me to go tution classes to score well. Well, I managed to score 82% in my public exams which is beyond my standard.

Accidentally I got a seat in Murugappa Polytechnic to join and study about Elaectronics and Communication. A good 3.5 years passed with some learnings (subject / personal), with some arrears, with lots of fun. I am still an average student there too, not bothered about to bring up my full potential. Still I doubt on my interest level on subjects while studying.

Matterku varuvom

1st matteru

But whatever the stages I crossed I know I have not made my full efforts to bring up my entire potentials. Being work with 10+ years of industry experience I frankly admit myself that I never put my 100% efforts. But I have a self belief that if I put 100% efforts, i would have been in a very good position designation wise as well as salary wise. When I was working as an IFR coordinator in Airtel, my boss was commented on my ability skills like, "nee nenacha puliya kooda pudippa, aana sethaalum nenaika maata" which i thought it was true. This is the major part which i missed / missing in my life.

2nd matteru

If I just turn and see my past 30 years, hardly I dont feel that I have lived 30 years, its just like an 30 days. Majorpart of my life I have covered in just 3 paragraphs. To say it clearly 50% of my life. Nothing is more to tell you about it.

I have some thought(you may call it as an ambition) of starting a school and give some free education to the people who is living under poverty. This thought i have, since i completed my polytechnic. I really believe that it would be the purpose of my life to live.  But i realise that already 11 years gone since i completed the polytechnic and it passed for nothing. Now, slowly i afraid that another 10 - 20 years also will go like that for nothing. I feel earning and living (survival) itself has become tedious for me nowadays. So what will happen to my ambitions is still an unanswered question. So, Whats missing?

Having good thoughts are fine. But did I learn how to implement those? Its not only the question of learning to implement, Am I ready to compromise my comfort zone what am I in now? Is that fire is always on without getting dim? or do I need fuel consistently to burn it high? What should I do to burn it high to become what in my thoughts? Am I still an average man that I cannot perform any task with my own? Is it the trend that it continues from my schools? Is it not the right time to think about those things?

I dont get answers for some of these questions, some answers to some extent Iam not ready to change myself or compromise my comfort zone. These are the problems that Iam the only person to face? or most of us sailing in the same boat? I dont know. If the answer is yes, then come we will think together to fulfill our life.

MSK