ISHA - BSP Experience

Trying to narrate what happened during Isha Bhava Spandana program is a bad attempt. But still, for the sake of encouraging/discouraging :) others who have completed Inner-Engineering (IE), but yet to do BSP, Iam writing this blog. 

Before reading further, pls understand that the experience gained out of BSP varies upto 99.99% for each individual. Why so? Its because of the emotions and ego's that form your core charector. No two persons will feel the same emotion. Another point to understand is that the objective of BSP could be completely different, whereas what I experienced and writing here could be completely different. Best way to know is to attend the program yourself. Now, into the blog.

As most of you know, I did IE around 2009/2010 time-frame and planned to do BSP immediately, but the plan didnt work out. Purely my laziness. I practiced Shambhavi for almost one year, and definitely observed physical/mental benefits, but later I stopped practicing. Its because Iam interested in learning the concept behind any spiritual practice. Iam ready to scream A-U-M to the core of me, but I wanted to know what really happens behind the scene, inside me. Otherwise AUM is just another sound. With such questioning mindset, I naturally developed less interest and stopped practicing Shambhavi finally. I have a great respect towards all Yogi's (SJV, PY, Osho, Rama Krishna, Ramana Maharishi, Sri Sri etc... (I'm skipping Nithi from this list for now :-) ), but I dont want to blindly follow anyone of them. Afterall, spirituality is finding you on your own. Anyone can guide, but no one can help you realize who you are. So "knowing" became priority to me than practicing.

Few weeks back, one of my colleague completed his IE, impressed with the 20 minute kriya and opted for BSP. Though it demanded three days of leave to stay in Isha Ashram - Coimbatore, I decided to go for it. Good or bad, I really dont want to miss this oppurtunity. If I cannot spend just 3 days in my life time for my own, then what am I living for? Once I decided to attend BSP, I resumed the Shambhavi practice after a loooong break; just to keep the body tuned for BSP.

After reading lot of reviews about BSP, we (Me, Pandian) kind of came to a rough conclusion as to what is going to happen. Also the below statement from SJV on BSP tempted me a lot - "Bhava Spandana is like giving you a lift so you can have a peep across the wall. You have lived within the limitations of human senses. Bhava Spandana is a lift beyond your senses where you look at life beyond the limitations of five sense perceptions". Interesting isnt it?

Finally, we landed in Coimbatore Ashram on Wednesday, 25th July, with little expectations. Climate was really good, and Velliangiri hills tempted me to trek. Anyhow trekking is closed now. We were directed to a specially consecrated hall (Spandhana hall), which I think is only to conduct programs like BSP/Shoonya meditation. Soon as we entered the hall, our extended parts like mobile/cameras/ books/laptop/purse are taken away into their custody. Three full days - No access to outside world. Inside the Spandhana hall, its a beautiful world with a perfect view of cloudy Velliangiri hills, greeny landscape, birds chirping and volunteers caring us more than them...

For this session we were around 128 participants and 30+ volunteers. Guided by two teachers and few (guest appearence) bramacharis, the program started. SJV seems to be in Kailash Manasarovar trip now. We missed seeing him. Anyhow, he is not conducting BSP.

Before attending the program this was my mind-set.

1. I have seen few volunteers during Inner Enginnering breaking down and crying soon they are asked to shared their BSP experience. I wanted to find the reason.

2. I really dont have any burden in my mind to open up. Most of you know my life - good or bad, I have shared it all. Only very few things that I havent shared are those that no one has asked for, are my so-called personal secrets. Also these secrets are not worth crying; possibly few of those secrets are something that I should feel shame for :-)

3. I dont have any deep or unfulfilled desires. Life appears to be going smooth for me.

With this mindset, I was eagerly waiting to what "lift" could SJV give for me to get a peep across the wall. Before saying anything, I need to state that the entire three day program is beautifully scheduled and managed. Daily schedule starts at 5am in the morning to 10pm till night. Can you think of getting yourself locked in a hall for three and half days completely living a "different life"? But you wont feel it at all. Thats how the program is managed.

So, whats that "different life" for three days? Answer is - Its not the different life, its the "Real life". What Iam living outside the hall is the "different" one. Beleive it or not, the program made me feel this fact by myself. SJV (recorded video) or the teacher did not make any single boring lecture in these three days, but everything was made to realize on our own. Thats the speciality.

Three days, many unexpected things happened "to me" and "in me". BSP has sharply and nicely cut through most of my ego's - I laughed, cried, danced, screamed, died, turned totally subtle - what else? i did everything that I cannot imagine that I could do. If you dont understand what i wrote in the last line, I cannot elaborate it further. I can say, I was happy, but i cannot explain the "happy" and make you feel the same way I felt.

I still now cannot beleive I danced. And its not just dance, its "Thaandavam" - like Shiv Thaandavam or Rudra Thaandavam. Dance is done with body and Thaandavam with soul. Though Iam not supposed to reveal anything about the program, Iam just saying this alone. The instruction to us was "If you cannot dance with your body, just throw it out and dance.." Thats what most of us did. With our body and soul tuned (rigorous tuning) and our eyes-shut, the soul started its thaandavam for the beat played, and the body followed it faithfully. Internally I could realize that I danced very very beautiful, since Iam not dancing for any one. I was the dancer, choreographer, judge and the audience. One other participant later said to me during a break that I danced very good. I thought he was teasing. During one other dance break, he said the same thing, and I replied him "Dont tease. Did I dance so bad?". He said "You danced really well. I was trying to peep and replicate your steps...:)" I understood how beautiful things will turn out when we put your soul in it. I was thinking how Lord Shiva would have danced in Chidambaram. A pure ecstasy. Experience it guys.

While returning back, I was recollecting when did I dance last. As far as I could remember, I danced only twice in my life. First one when I was around 10-11 years of age. I was teasing my elder sister as to how she danced during the school annual-day celebrations. Second time, it was around 20 yrs age. One day, after a lazy lunch, myself, my mom and my sisters were lying down chatting something. I suddenly woke-up, started singing a Bharathiyar song and danced "Aaduvome, pallu paaduvome.. aanandha sugandhiram adaindhu vittom endru..." My sisters were laughing and trying to pull me down, but I still remember my mother saying "Leave him.. Let him dance..". She really wanted me to be like that. A joyful kid. Iam missing her a lot now :(... After these two instances, this is the third time I'm dancing, that too with my soul and at the age of 30 :)... Not sure whether I will have a chance to dance again at age of 40 or someone will dance for me..! Life is so fragile.!

Second thing happened was I literally broke down during an exercise. Most of the participants broke, few very severe. I never thought I will cry, but I did. So did my colleague:). No shame in accepting the fact. Somewhere deep-inside the dungeons of my heart, I have stored some residual pains that I failed to realize, and BSP had the right tool to cut-open it. BSP is not a practice like meditation or something. In simpler words, its like a tool kit, that can break away your emotions and ego's (Bhaavam) to reveal the real you. Once the tool-kit finishes its job, the "lift to peep across the wall" happens naturally. For the last few years, Iam trying to search an answer for the most fundamental "who am I" question. I need to say very honestly, I "realized" an answer for it. The answer came out of my own soul - from deep inside me and very convincing. Even if SJV himself has taken me a special class for 100hrs and talked about the "who am i" concept, I would not have beleived. But since, this came from within - I had no excuses. Just plain acceptance. 

BSP at times, felt a bit stressful. We are not used to three days of continous Yoga culture. But the desire to "peep across the wall" is like wanting to see your own heart pumping blood. If you cannot accept a CT scan of your heart and wanted to see it with your own eyes, then you need to bear the pain of surgeon ripping apart your chest, taking your heart, showing it to you and putting it back inside safely - all without any analgesic. 

I had few other surprising experiences as well. Most of them are "realized" rather "taught". Its like the sky showing very clear when clouds pass away. When your egos/emotions are cut-open, the real charector of every participant is realized by every other participant attending BSP. Someone said, we came in as 200 and going out as 1. I really did not feel to this extent, but I still beleive many could have experiened this.

But the saddest thing in BSP is this -

1. Its not a kriya/yoga you can do at your home. Whatever things they teach you inside the hall has to be left right there. Nothing to take home and follow like Shambhavi. Experience that you realize out of BSP is the real take-away stuff.

2. Its not a permanent experience. Its only a quick "peep across the wall" - just a matter of seconds for me. You will be let down to normal immediately. If you need to remain in this situation for ever, it needs rigorous practice. It took 18yrs of practice for Ramakrishna Paramahamsa to get into this stage. For me, it probably might take 18 life-times.

I can keep writing more and more, but that will raise your expectations (or) break the surprises when you attend the program. My final recommendation would be this -  Whether you are interested in spirituality or not, just dont miss BSP. They will not show you Shiva or Krishna or Jesus or Allah in this program. But, definitely you will experience a forgotten side of you. The way you lived at the age of 1 or 2.

Am I missing anything - YES. Watch out my next blog for our Dhyanalinga and Theerthakund visit. A life time experience.

Billa 2

What director and producer wanted is very clear.. "Money Money and Money". For this, first thing they trashed is the logic, second thing is story and lastly Ajith. Despite great hype for this movie, thatstamil posted a negative review for this movie. Generally they do such cornering, but atleast this time they got it real.

Watched the movie yesterday in Rakki (Houseful.!!), with good mix of Class-C and B audience. Except those hard-core Ajith fans, I could clearly sense a disappointment with other guys, and me - a lot more disappointed.

Story  - A prequel to Billa; a story tracing the root of David Billa. How he starts his life as a refugee and becomes an international Don. A catchy one liner - but what director has delivered is a clear mess. He might have thought that if Ajith simply does a ramp-walk, thats enough for the movie. His style and charisma could carry the movie. It does it to some extent, but overall - failed.

Ajith has a wonderful screen presence, but he along with the director has forgot that they are making a "prequel"  and not  a "sequel". He looks really old in this movie, with his big tummy and a chubby cheek. He should have really looked younger than what he was in Billa-1. If Ajith is not willing to tune his body, atleast the director/cameraman/costume-designer should have made the work-around. Long-shots with some loose-wear should have done. Tight close-up shots (almost fills his full face on the screen) - not really good to watch. Ajith - an admirer of Rajini, should learn from "the boss" on how to maintain his body; since its their investment. Next movie, either Ajith has to tweak his body (or) choose proper roles like that can suit his age. In Mangaatha, he was really looking good. Honestly, one Ajith fan sitting next to me was asking his friend during the beginning of the movie "Why is Ajith looking like pregnant lady.." They convinced themselves that when Ajith turns don after interval, his tummy will also reduce. (Like "Sivaji the Boss". where Rajini will look a bit chubby in the first half and turns classic post interval).. But till the last moment, Ajith didnt reduce a kilo.

Parvathy - Ayyoo paavam role. I dont know what is the need for her character at all. Less screen presence than the Goa massage girl who appears in two scenes. Parvathy just comes, eats ice-cream in a couple of scenes and dies. She loves Ajith, but goes for a party with that politicians son. Not even a glamour dream song for her with Ajith. Poor girl. Atleast the other girl friend is okay... Showcases herself for the money she signed-in and dies atlast.. (the same massage girl kills her, then that's three scenes for her). Only scene where Parvathy was looking good, was in the fields, where she was kidnapped and left with a plaster in her mouth.

Villain - Both the villains are looking good, but behaving really stupid. Just because he saved 1 crore of powder, he becomes the right-hand to don (Abbasi)? He even takes their weapons business decision, but the villain just bears all his stupidity (intelligence!) and keeps warning him. I really dont  know who is the boss there. Same case with the that Georgian Villain too. He fights excellently in the introduction scene at Georgia, like a martial arts guy, but just falls down in few blows by Ajith inside the chopper. Pongada dey... Iam not sure whether Ajith is a man or Super-man. Again, In the carnival scene, he was attacked by the villain group and falls on the steps with head bleeding like anything. Next moment, he wakes up, fixes-up all those guys (poor kids - they dont even know how to shoot with a gun; they are just pointing their guns at Ajith, waiting for him to snatch and shoot them back), runs out to the street and kills other people - and the carnival people are just walking around the fight scene like dead-again zombies.

Comedy - There are lot of comedy scenes in this movie.

1. Ajith rescuing Parvathy in the field using a hi-funda technique, with all those military man with guns watching Ajith's charisma. They could better shoot themselves (and even me if possible).

2. Taking out the container with all those coastal guards firing only at the container, while Ajith was sitting in the truck with side-window open close to them. The chief coastal guard said in the next scene "Okay, Ajith has taken the container, lets go home and sleep with our.." But due to censor problem, guess, it is removed..

3. Only Ajith, Ranjith (Billa's friend) and other body-guard completely destroying that Georgia guys factory. In the just next scene, (though he was shot) he somehow manages to get inside the same chopper that villain was travelling, with few rose patches on his shirt and cheeks. Blood'aam... Again, looks like this special chopper has special bunkers to hide Ajith inside.

4. Killing that CM - which CM comes to a party with just only one car for his security, and that too he knows Ajith is a gangster.? Just like that 4 guys come in a motor bike and shoot him, and Ajith gets a bail for this petty case.

5. In fact, every scene is worth smiling. Even the place where his gun falls down, when he meets his sister in church - eppadi da pinnala sorugi vecha gun munnadhi vizhum.. saniyaney...

Logicless

1. Iam really not sure if a Srilankan refugee can go out of the camp just like that. And never returns back after that? Not even in their wildest dreams that could happen. Police will trace and screw him out.

2. The inspector just like that shoots a guy inside the refugee camp, but waits for Ajith to come out of campus to kill. Enna logic?

3. What is the police during in all this story? Ajith just kills 4 guys in his first fight; but no investigation happens at all. Then he shoots everyone he sees.

4. After being accused of killing a CM - can a guy go out of India? or even the next city without permission, with all politicians and police against him? He is only granted a bail, not released. Also, since he is depicted to be from Srilanka, how can he be treated like a local gangster, he is a terrorist now. Will the govt bail a terrorist after being accused of killing a CM? Its like Kasab granted bail to freely roam in India, and if he wants he can go Pak as well. If Ajith can go to Russia, why Kasab cant? :)

Not only these, since the complete story is a hole, its kind of finding holes inside a hole. Better leave that logic part before watching the film.

Good thing - RDR and YSR are the real heros of this film, (Ajith and Charka Toleti are the villains). Georgia scenes are real good to watch with a very cool tone. YSR tried to keep this film racy at this best. Nothing more...

Overall - Director clearly knew that there are lot of fools around who will come to watch any sh**, if Ajith just walks in few scenes. Bulls eye - he is the real DON...